So, I've been gone for ages. Real life is not as nice as we all want it to be and I am so busy! It seems as though I never slow down!
My divorce was finalized early October. I did get moved and am working and doing single person things. It's been a huge change for me. I was married my (almost) entire adult life. I'm enjoying myself and excited about the future. I've even dipped my toes into the dating pool! I'm down 88 pounds. I'm wearing clothes sizes I haven't worn since I was 20 years old. It's an amazing feeling.
I hope the holiday season is blessed and joyful for you and that the New Year brings joys and blessings for you too!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
End of Summer...End of an Era
I've mentioned before, more than once, that my life would be changing over the course of time. I knew, of course, that my weight loss would be a dramatic centerpiece of all the change and was happy for it. I'm down 62 pounds now and am over the moon with joy! I am officially smaller now than I was 6 weeks after delivering my son. I bought clothes in sizes I hadn't worn in 12 years. What a feeeling!
What I didn't realize was that other changes, changes I knew needed to be made, were just around the corner as well. So, here it is. I am getting divorced. In less than 4 weeks, I will be officially single. I am leaving here and moving 4.5 hours away. My son refuses to move again and will stay with his father. This has me gutted. It's been him and me for 12 years. His entire life...
Our divorce is not ugly. We are not trying to kill each other; we are not snarling and growling; we are not fighting tooth and nail over the vacuum cleaner or flatware. I like it this way. I wish anyone going through this upheaval, this daunting phase in life, could have such a drama-free separation. It's a great testament to the friendship we had 15 years ago that is still there, lurking beneath everything else, that we can be so kind and civil to each other. He's a good man...we just don't fit.
So, yeah. Changes. Life as I know it will be much different. But, I'm ready for a fresh start, willingly embracing the change and ready to fly.
What I didn't realize was that other changes, changes I knew needed to be made, were just around the corner as well. So, here it is. I am getting divorced. In less than 4 weeks, I will be officially single. I am leaving here and moving 4.5 hours away. My son refuses to move again and will stay with his father. This has me gutted. It's been him and me for 12 years. His entire life...
Our divorce is not ugly. We are not trying to kill each other; we are not snarling and growling; we are not fighting tooth and nail over the vacuum cleaner or flatware. I like it this way. I wish anyone going through this upheaval, this daunting phase in life, could have such a drama-free separation. It's a great testament to the friendship we had 15 years ago that is still there, lurking beneath everything else, that we can be so kind and civil to each other. He's a good man...we just don't fit.
So, yeah. Changes. Life as I know it will be much different. But, I'm ready for a fresh start, willingly embracing the change and ready to fly.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Summer is here!
So, as I mentioned in the earliest days, I knew my life would be changing. I hoped for good changes and to be able to roll along with the not so great ones and just keep putting one foot in front of the other until I end up somewhere amazing.
So I'm trying to do that! Here's what's happening...
1) I got a job today. Yay me!
2) I am floating the Guadalupe River for the first time ever with several people I know and several I've never met. Love making new friends!
3) That new swimsuit I bought is going to have to hold out because I'm down 54 pounds now!
That's all just happening between now and mid-June. What else could be around the corner for me? I don't know, but hang on and we'll find out together!
So I'm trying to do that! Here's what's happening...
1) I got a job today. Yay me!
2) I am floating the Guadalupe River for the first time ever with several people I know and several I've never met. Love making new friends!
3) That new swimsuit I bought is going to have to hold out because I'm down 54 pounds now!
That's all just happening between now and mid-June. What else could be around the corner for me? I don't know, but hang on and we'll find out together!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wow! It's been a month since I posted anything. Oops.
I'm down 47 lbs now and, indeed, I purchased a new swim suit. It's absolutely adorable and I love it! Most of the things I'm buying now are 4 sizes smaller than when I began this journey and that makes me happy. It's been a lot of years since I've been this size!
This journey is long and difficult. There's no easy fix to all this; it's all work no matter which route you take. I'm still in the gym, though I've discovered that I actually don't like it At All. I still go three times a week and try to walk on days that I'm not in the gym. I'm not perfect, but I get up and try something everyday.
I suppose that's all any of us can do each day. So, as long as we're doing and trying, we're moving somewhere!
I'm down 47 lbs now and, indeed, I purchased a new swim suit. It's absolutely adorable and I love it! Most of the things I'm buying now are 4 sizes smaller than when I began this journey and that makes me happy. It's been a lot of years since I've been this size!
This journey is long and difficult. There's no easy fix to all this; it's all work no matter which route you take. I'm still in the gym, though I've discovered that I actually don't like it At All. I still go three times a week and try to walk on days that I'm not in the gym. I'm not perfect, but I get up and try something everyday.
I suppose that's all any of us can do each day. So, as long as we're doing and trying, we're moving somewhere!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Down 40 lbs!
Meeting with a trainer today to see just how far I've come and to set up a new workout. Hopefully, we can speed up this process a little. The entire process still feels too slow!
On the absolute upside: I'm down 2 pants sizes and I absolutely MUST buy a new swimsuit! My old one is falling off! I never thought I'd see the day when I was excited to swimsuit shop!
Meeting with a trainer today to see just how far I've come and to set up a new workout. Hopefully, we can speed up this process a little. The entire process still feels too slow!
On the absolute upside: I'm down 2 pants sizes and I absolutely MUST buy a new swimsuit! My old one is falling off! I never thought I'd see the day when I was excited to swimsuit shop!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Happenings
Sorry I've been so out of the loop! I've been substitute teaching, working out and getting frustrated over lack of scale movement! However, I have gone down a size in trousers, this makes 2 sizes, so I'm less frustrated than I was.
I'm strength training 3 days a week and running the treadmill those same 3 days. This week, I'm shooting for 4 days as a general rule. I started off on the treadmill walking about 20 minutes. I am now running 30 minutes at a time and yesterday, reached one of my goals. 1.5 miles running by Spring Break. Well, I ran 1.52 miles yesterday and Spring Break isn't for 2 more weeks!
The scale is a major validator and it's frustrated to see the numbers move so S-L-O-W-L-Y as in about 3 pounds the last many (7?) weeks. However, with the reduction in trouser size and all, I must be losing inches. So, I've decided the scale cannot, will not, be my only validation! Endurance level, clothing size and muscle growth is very important and a great indicator of the good I'm doing my body, no matter how damned slowly the scale moves!
So, as much as I'd like the scale to move, I must look to all else I'm doing to see the big picture. The journey I'm on is one not so much of weight-loss as it is a journey of self-discovery. One that I can hopefully realize just how strong and capable I am and just how much I really do love myself. After all, that's the entire impetus for the life changing decisions I've made. I'm worth it, you know, and it was high time I started treating myself how I deserve!
I'm strength training 3 days a week and running the treadmill those same 3 days. This week, I'm shooting for 4 days as a general rule. I started off on the treadmill walking about 20 minutes. I am now running 30 minutes at a time and yesterday, reached one of my goals. 1.5 miles running by Spring Break. Well, I ran 1.52 miles yesterday and Spring Break isn't for 2 more weeks!
The scale is a major validator and it's frustrated to see the numbers move so S-L-O-W-L-Y as in about 3 pounds the last many (7?) weeks. However, with the reduction in trouser size and all, I must be losing inches. So, I've decided the scale cannot, will not, be my only validation! Endurance level, clothing size and muscle growth is very important and a great indicator of the good I'm doing my body, no matter how damned slowly the scale moves!
So, as much as I'd like the scale to move, I must look to all else I'm doing to see the big picture. The journey I'm on is one not so much of weight-loss as it is a journey of self-discovery. One that I can hopefully realize just how strong and capable I am and just how much I really do love myself. After all, that's the entire impetus for the life changing decisions I've made. I'm worth it, you know, and it was high time I started treating myself how I deserve!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
It's been awhile since I posted! Sorry....
Well, things started off with a bang and then went very slowly from there out. I am now down about 20 pounds and thrilled with it. The weight loss has ramped up this week with my second fill and I lost about 5 pounds this week alone! I have been back in the gym too and am starting to enjoy it again.
Pictures soon, I hope!
Well, things started off with a bang and then went very slowly from there out. I am now down about 20 pounds and thrilled with it. The weight loss has ramped up this week with my second fill and I lost about 5 pounds this week alone! I have been back in the gym too and am starting to enjoy it again.
Pictures soon, I hope!
Monday, November 30, 2009
First Fill, One Month About Gone
So, I'm hovering around my initial weight loss and am very frustrated that the scale isn't moving anymore. I spoke with my surgeon at my post-op follow-up and he stressed to me not to stress! "Give yourself a little time, " he says. "Don't worry yet," he tells me. So, I am trying not to stress and worry.
Today, then, was my first "fill" appointment. You go in, they insert a very small needle and poke through your belly to the port, they look around via some sort of x-ray machine to make sure everything looks good, then they fill the band with fluid. (How much depends on each person. They started off less than half with me.)
It was much less uncomfortable than I'd imagined and that's a good thing! Just a little stick and burn and less than 2 minutes later, we were done. After that, I had to drink two glasses of water just to make sure it could pass through without difficulty and that the band was not now too tight. No problem, except my drive home is 35 minutes long and I was seriously needing a restroom the last 10 minutes of my drive.
In a month, I'll do it all again and they'll adjust me some more. After that, we'll see. It can sometimes take several adjustments to find your optimal fill level. Again, I am practicing patience and not stressing! (Yes, I keep saying it. If I say it often enough, perhaps I truly will be able to not stress about it all!)
All in all, a pretty good day. I am still very happy with my decision and can't wait to see the new me as she emerges!
Today, then, was my first "fill" appointment. You go in, they insert a very small needle and poke through your belly to the port, they look around via some sort of x-ray machine to make sure everything looks good, then they fill the band with fluid. (How much depends on each person. They started off less than half with me.)
It was much less uncomfortable than I'd imagined and that's a good thing! Just a little stick and burn and less than 2 minutes later, we were done. After that, I had to drink two glasses of water just to make sure it could pass through without difficulty and that the band was not now too tight. No problem, except my drive home is 35 minutes long and I was seriously needing a restroom the last 10 minutes of my drive.
In a month, I'll do it all again and they'll adjust me some more. After that, we'll see. It can sometimes take several adjustments to find your optimal fill level. Again, I am practicing patience and not stressing! (Yes, I keep saying it. If I say it often enough, perhaps I truly will be able to not stress about it all!)
All in all, a pretty good day. I am still very happy with my decision and can't wait to see the new me as she emerges!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
5 Days Out
So, I am about 5 days post-op and feeling pretty good. I have just a little muscle soreness on the left side (where the port is anchored) but other than that, I'm feeling great. The "sleepies" from all the narcotic pain meds have gone away too. I haven't taken any in about 36 hours now and am much better for it! I'm moving much easier, normally, now as well, which is great since I'm scheduled to work tomorrow!
It has been a learning experience, seeing how little food is three to four ounces and you can definitely tell if you eaten too quickly &/or too much! It feels like you can't breathe and that a ton of weight is sitting on you!
I weighed in this morning and was pleasantly surprised to see I was finally rid of the post op water-weight gain and 3 pounds under pre-op weigh in!
It has been a learning experience, seeing how little food is three to four ounces and you can definitely tell if you eaten too quickly &/or too much! It feels like you can't breathe and that a ton of weight is sitting on you!
I weighed in this morning and was pleasantly surprised to see I was finally rid of the post op water-weight gain and 3 pounds under pre-op weigh in!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
48 hours and Counting
Well, it's been just over 48 hours since my surgery. I must say I am pleased with how far I've come in my recovery. Evening one I couldn't even lay myself down in the bed, but now I'm up and down as much as I want. It was very difficult to walk at first and now I'm taking 4 short walks a day and am able to walk with a straight back most of the time.
The air the surgeon used to inflate the belly has almost all dissipated. However, what little is left is choosing to be very difficult to deal with because it's lodged in my left shoulder. (That is, of course, the most painful place for it to situate itself)
I really don't understand how people can go back to work after 48 hours of having this procedure. There is no way I could do it. I am just too stiff and sore to do much of anything.
The air the surgeon used to inflate the belly has almost all dissipated. However, what little is left is choosing to be very difficult to deal with because it's lodged in my left shoulder. (That is, of course, the most painful place for it to situate itself)
I really don't understand how people can go back to work after 48 hours of having this procedure. There is no way I could do it. I am just too stiff and sore to do much of anything.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Let's get Started!
Surgery was yesterday and I came through beautifully. I have a couple of bruises: one from the heparin shot (that looks dreadful!) and another from the vein blowing out in my arm. So far, not much bruising anywhere else but I am pretty swollen in my abdominal area. I'm quite sore at the port site, but that was expected!
I have 6 incisions including my bellybutton; these are held together with steri-strips, underneath the bandaging. I'll get to look at them later when I shower. I look, right now with all the bandages, like I fought with a porcupine and lost.
Yesterday was restricted to clear liquids only-water, gatorade, clear soup broth. Today and for the next 6 days, I can have protein shakes, pudding, yogurt, thicker soups without chunks of anything, plus the clear liquids from before.
Surgeon & all reading materials said I wouldn't feel hungry and I really didn't yesterday. My tummy did not growl or tell me to feed it. My brain however, wanted me to eat! When I started to feel antsy about not eating, I drank something and that seemed to help.
Here's to hoping for a brand new life!
I have 6 incisions including my bellybutton; these are held together with steri-strips, underneath the bandaging. I'll get to look at them later when I shower. I look, right now with all the bandages, like I fought with a porcupine and lost.
Yesterday was restricted to clear liquids only-water, gatorade, clear soup broth. Today and for the next 6 days, I can have protein shakes, pudding, yogurt, thicker soups without chunks of anything, plus the clear liquids from before.
Surgeon & all reading materials said I wouldn't feel hungry and I really didn't yesterday. My tummy did not growl or tell me to feed it. My brain however, wanted me to eat! When I started to feel antsy about not eating, I drank something and that seemed to help.
Here's to hoping for a brand new life!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Surgery!!!
My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, November 3, 2009. I am extremely excited and just a little bit nervous. I've been pretty good at following the pre-op diet plan as laid out for me. My best friend hadn't seen me in 10 days and said, "I think you're losing a little weight!" That must be a good thing, right?
I have prayed and feel confident that this truly is the path I should be taking. I am secure in the fact that I've read the materials, studied the procedure and made the promise to myself to take care of me and do this right, so I can be around for my kiddo. I am ready; I feel great about my decision and am so excited to move forward!
I'll try to post a before picture, but it may be Wednesday before I get back!
I have prayed and feel confident that this truly is the path I should be taking. I am secure in the fact that I've read the materials, studied the procedure and made the promise to myself to take care of me and do this right, so I can be around for my kiddo. I am ready; I feel great about my decision and am so excited to move forward!
I'll try to post a before picture, but it may be Wednesday before I get back!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
New Beginning
I decided a few months ago that to be truly happy and free I had to finally take care of me. This discovery has included treating myself better, not beating myself up over every decision or stumble and finally biting the bullet and deciding on weight loss surgery to enable me to be healthier. My surgery is in two weeks and I couldn't be more thrilled.
I hope people reading this blog will be inspired to better themselves in whatever way works best for them, but it is my bigger hope that by sharing my struggles, the journey will be made all that much sweeter when my goals are reached and milestones passed. It is with this hope that I start down the road to my new life.
So, sit back, relax, laugh and cry with me as I begin a journey in which the destination is unknown, but during which the ride promises to be full of ups, downs, twists and turns, hopefully with a big fat pile of elation waiting every few miles and pot of proverbial gold at the end.
I hope people reading this blog will be inspired to better themselves in whatever way works best for them, but it is my bigger hope that by sharing my struggles, the journey will be made all that much sweeter when my goals are reached and milestones passed. It is with this hope that I start down the road to my new life.
So, sit back, relax, laugh and cry with me as I begin a journey in which the destination is unknown, but during which the ride promises to be full of ups, downs, twists and turns, hopefully with a big fat pile of elation waiting every few miles and pot of proverbial gold at the end.
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